reminisce, reflect, re-charge

I credit most of my indecisive behavior on my Father. Not that its a bad thing, just that my ability to make a decision and stick with it hasn't always been a strength of mine. So making the decision to pack my bags, my apartment, and say "see you later" to friends, family, and Bruiser was an easy one to make, but a challenge to keep. "Your not fucking backing out Tobie."
  Swinging mixed emotions lingered in my head and heart as I neared my September 1st departure date. After everything was said and done, packed and cleaned excitement was the emotion that took over.
    So first stop New York, New York.
All the expectations that I had for New York weren't just wrong, but actually as far from reality as it could get. Walking through Times Square in the cozy 90 degree weather, I felt like I was living in some electronic video game. I thought at any moment the Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong were going to come around the corner. "Oh my God Uhna, I'm so overwhelmed." "Quick! find the nearest bar, preferably with blasting air conditioner, and lets go" I loved New York, sure, but I now understand why Tom Bird is the way he is....he spend 70 years of his life stuck in that fucking traffic!
Uhna and I managed to make our way around, and see as much stereotypical New York as we could manage given the weather, and how massive the island actually is. "Big blocks baby, big blocks" is what Adrian told me post his New York trip in 2008, and he couldn't have been more right. His voice and that statement, played over and over in my head.
All and all it was good times, I couldn't have been in better company. New York in my mind will always be the city where everybody falls in love after 11pm, a beer and shot will cost upwards of 20 dollars, and I found an ice cream sundae that literally put me in tears.
London
 This is where everything started to get tricky. It wasn't so much the 9 hour flight with no sleep, food or the 6:30 am layover in Iceland that tested my patients..no. Or the fact that after all that, getting detained in Heathrow, or the terrible decision to take the underground subway system that included lugging my giant dinosaur bags 3 flights of stairs only to circle the block about 10 times with no map or clue as the where I was staying...nah kids stuff. Or how about the fact that as soon as I found my hostel, checked in, lugged my shit into the worlds smallest room (detaining center really), I found my "bed" and was asleep before I hit the pillow and was shortly awoken by some eastern  European chick "escuse me, but dis es my bed" Oops.
   I managed to spend a couple days walking around purposely getting lost, visiting grand sights such as Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben ect. However this trip quickly turned into a time for introspection. Walking around this city I cant help remember a distinct discussion I had with Gregor about visiting these same places with him. We did Guadalajara, San Francisco, Melbourne, wasn't this always next on the list? This was a place that I had wanted to see with him through his eyes and experiences, and now here I was alone and in the rain no less. All these emotions that I thought I put away and left in San Francisco months ago resurfaced and reared their ugly head..
BREATH, don't forget to BREATH.
Remember all seemingly opposites are one, without the one you wouldn't have the other -

strength and weakness, joy and sadness, loss and gain, win and lose, they all melt into the center of where you are.
I should be celebrating the upcoming birth of Briana's baby, and my dear friends engagement, and that fact that I have the pleasure to experience this wonderful opportunity.
Clear your mind and take it all in.
Reminisce and reflect. Send him lots of light and love, and now its finally time to let go.
Tomorrow is my final night here. Spend it with old and new friends doing what I'm sure I would be doing had it been with Gregor....drinking way too much. Friday I'm off the Egypt, and a new chapter begins.